Narrative Learning Story

Writing a Narrative Learning Story

Success Criteria	We are learning to entertain an audience with a captivating narrative.
I have the key parts of a narrative. *Beginning -hook -setting -character introduction *Middle -problem arising -character development *Ending -resolution I have included -Interesting descriptive words -A variety of sentence types -Paragraphs that show how I’m organizing the narrative.	In the forest there were two identical twins called Hansel and Gretel.  They were cold and hungry.  At night they were scared “Hansel, I’m scared of being in the dark and I’m cold and hungry.” said Gretel. “Me to but it’s going to be okay gretel, I’m here” said Hansel. They were still walking until they found a pair of night vision goggles.”hansel look  night vision goggles” said gretel “good job sis now we can see through the dark” said hansel. But when they both were walking they fell into a trap it was quicksand hansel and gretel were screaming “we're going to drown please someone help us” said hansel “hansel hold me I don’t want drouin“ said gretel crying. But when they were almost drowned someone swung across and grabbed hansel and gretel they were saved by a man his name was david. He was a dad to a wife and three kids his wife her name was meryoul one of the kids names were zack the other one's name was aj and the last one's name was jackie “hello thank you for saving us” said hansel and gretel. But when gretel was playing upsy daisy with jackie. Then when they  were playing “hahahahahahahahahahaha” said gretel laughing. “Hahahahahhahaha” said jackie but then gretel toust him to high jackie hit his head on the roof real hard then jackie cried “www waaaaaaaa (sniff)(sniff)” said sad sad jackie “it was an accident” said gretel “ there’s no more sorry’s” said david ageredly.
My next steps:	Next time I’m writing a narrative, I will be thinking about:  a hook,resolution and an end

This is what someone else noticed about my learning:

That a funny story but could you please put more information about what your story is about- Ben

This is what my teacher noticed about my learning:

Wow, Timata, this is such a great start to a story.  You have introduced your characters and given a great setting.  I automatically made links to what I know about Hansel and Gretel, but it was really interesting that you gave it a different twist when they got saved by that family.  I liked that!  You have done really well at using punctuation whenever someone was speaking, and you’ve often used full stops in the right places.  You’ve got a middle where some problems arise, and some get solved.  However, I wasn’t really expecting the end there.  I thought there would be more of a resolution, because I’m really interested in finding out if Hansel and Gretel ever found a place to live happily ever after, and actually, how they got into the woods in the first place!